30 Despicable Things

“One is just about to be told some interesting piece of news when a baby starts crying.”

Written by Sei Shonagon, a tenth-century Japanese woman, in her work, The Pillow Book. Her compilation of deft witticisms ranging from “Hateful Things” to “Rare Things” and “Insects” have encouraged me to scribe mine own bite-sized observations:

30 Despicable Things

  1. When in conversation the other person only waits to speak, not listen
  2. When someone always has to outdo you in story sharing
  3. When speaking, a speck of spit flies from the mouth
  4. Open car gas covers
  5. Advice from someone who fails to take their own medicine
  6. Obnoxious laughter
  7. Loud talking
  8. Having to talk loudly
  9. When a man’s tie shows underneath the back collar
  10. Failing two correct a failed auto-correct
  11. Texting the wrong person
  12. Sexting the wrong person
  13. When a host fails to clean before your arrival
  14. The use of “drownded”
  15. Use of the terms “right- or left-hand side”
  16. Failure to signal a vehicular turn
  17. When an ugly woman’s thong is exposed
  18. When a man’s ass crack shows
  19. Tripping over nothing while walking
  20. When saying “Nice to meet you” and the person claims you’ve already met
  21. The question, “Can I ask you a question?”
  22. Ceding control of one’s life to another’s discretion
  23. Someone claiming, “Oh—I would have done X for you!” after you did it yourself
  24. Exhibiting too much concern for others
  25. Someone who always appears happy
  26. When enjoying the view of someone’s rear fails upon viewing their age or face
  27. When a senior courts a young adult
  28. When “dressing” a man’s junk leads to permanent crookedness
  29. When a host’s dog won’t leave you alone, and the host apologizes without removing the animal
  30. A poorly placed staple